Boy Problems

Oh god. My life is like falling apart. My (ex) boyfriend is going cray. Okay, so Hamlet was the best boyfriend a girl could ever have. He was so nice and sweet, but then after his dad died he started acting really weird. Of course I broke up with him because who would want to marry a cray guy right? Life is so hard right now. So today, I was hanging in my room and Hamlet suddenly comes in the room, and he just starts staring at me and holding on to my arm. It was so weird. I didn't know what to do so I just sat there, intimidated. I mean what are you supposed to do in situations like this? So then I started crying and of course I was overwhelmed so I told my daddy and he was like "we have to report this to the king. Hamlet's dangerous" blah blah blah. Okay, so what happened was really weird but I mean I dated him for a while now so. I honestly have no idea what to do. My brother and my dad is making me feel bad because I'm dating Hamlet. My brother still treats me like a baby. It's so annoying. Oh my god, why are men so complicated? Gosh, they are just like ruining my life. I'm so done with life. I'll just be chilling until my dad comes up with a resolution about Hamlet. My dad hates Hamlet, so does my brother. Whatever. I'll just act like I'm doing whatever my dad tells me to do. No harm no foul.

Rewriting Essay

Cindy Choi  

Mr. McCandless

Period F

30 September 2013

The Truth Underneath

             "All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream". Edgar Allen's famous quote describes people's natural state of delusional fear. In the short story “Once Upon A Time” by Nadine Gordimer, a normal, nondescript 20th century family pursues a life of happiness in an unidentified suburb. The husband, wife, grandmother and son seem just like everyone else in their gated white community, safely segregated from the social unrest that plagues their colored neighbors. In a vain attempt to protect themselves from the backlash of their own ignorant and negligent treatment of their fellow man, the husband and wife fortify their home and focus their attention on paranoid fears, which ironically endangers their own family and ensures that none will live happily ever after. Gordimer's layering of situational and dramatic irony throughout this "fairy" tale demonstrates the tragic consequences that derive from passing down notions of fear and false security across generations. 

The white family in this story attempts to protect themselves from what they perceive as black people rioting due to their uncivilized, inferior character, seemingly unaware of their contribution to and responsibility for the years of social and economic oppression that truly causes such revolutions, as with Apartheid in South Africa. “It was not possible to insure the house, the swimming-pool or the car against riot damage. There were riots, but these were outside the city, where people of another color were quartered. These people, judging them only by their external traits were not allowed into the suburb except as reliable housemaids and gardeners, so there was nothing to fear, the husband told the wife.” (Gordimer 164).  Despite how much the family distrusts and fears the people living outside the city, they ironically employ a few chosen members of this segregated majority as housemaids and gardeners, trusting them to care for their homestead and their family. The rioting that occurs is a result of historic inequality and social unrest between the two groups of the social class and the affluent community is caught by surprise because of their lack of awareness to their surroundings. The husband’s crass remarks and his old mother’s warnings extinguish the wife’s redeeming shred of morality when she tries to offer some basic humanity. “You only encourage them with your bread and tea. They are looking for their chance.” (Gordimer 165). The family judges people by their possession of assets, but ignores the truth of their situation and character. As the husband reminds his wife, the wealthy, white elite “keep themselves safe” by trying to further the segregation between the people who are affluent and the people who are not, and by abandoning any sense of moral or social responsibility. Yet, in fact, the segregation between the two groups of people is the primary cause of the violent riots and of the prevailing culture of distrust it preserves. The wealthy people in the story fail to solve the problems they have created, and instead, only try to cover up the situation by running away and trying to ignore it, which demonstrates the ironic mood that Gordimer illustrates in cautioning readers against the cycles of fear and injustice.

The family fails to notice the important internal details within their own home because they are constantly paranoid by their delusional fear of having their possessions stolen. The family’s attempt to protect themselves by securing their physical house, instead of their own priceless lives, further illustrates that the only danger they really needed protection from was their own paranoia. The husband and wife only focus on the external security of their homestead instead of paying attention to their own family dynamics and happy quality of life. “A certain family was at dinner while the bedrooms were being ransacked upstairs. The man and his wife, talking of the latest armed robbery in the suburb, were distracted by the sight of the little boy’s pet cat.” (Gordimer 165). The protagonist's son is killed by the same security traps that are meant for the criminals. His death further demonstrates that his family focused more on protecting their property than on the quality or happiness within their lives. The son’s death further reveals that the family only cares about keeping property that could be replaced from harm and not the things that really matter and are irreplaceable, like their son.  Gordimer writes as if the son is a mere material by using the word “it”. Clearly the parents do not react as loving parents. In fact, the housemaid and the gardeners are actually the people who are running to help/save the boy from the barbed wire and who genuinely mourn over the boy’s death. In the end, the family lost their most valued possession because of their ignorance and their mistake of putting importance in protecting materials that were replaceable instead of in nurturing their only child.

“Once Upon A Time” tells the ironic tale of a family who focuses too much on their possessions and not enough on their most precious gift- their child. In their attempt to protect the things they “owned” from people they did not trust, the family’s blind ignorance results in the loss of what they should have focused on all along - their son. Gordimer uses irony and sets an ominous mood to help the reader understand the moral of the story.

My overall problem of the essay was that it was extremely choppy and did not guide or engage the reader to my ideas. I learned to constantly tie my essay back to the topic sentence and the thesis statement. I feel that I am struggling a lot with putting my ideas into words. The hardest problem to fix was making it sound more fluent, which leads to organization. Organization is another big issue I have, which I'm trying to fix. I think this essay helps as a milestone for me to see where I am and how I should improve. Through out the year, I'm going to try to work on my organization. I think that is the biggest problem for me, having a good flow.