Yoonseo...? It's Cindy

As I read "The Namesake", I feel Gogol's desire to change his name to Nikhil for I desperately want to change my name. My legal name is Yoon Seo. In Korean, it is spelled 윤서. "Yoon" means to shine brightly and "Seo" means peace and serenity. Like the Bengali tradition, my grandmother chose my name before I was conceived. My name was chosen with great thought and debate. When I lived in Korea, I was complimented by strangers because of my name. They all said it was so beautiful and unique. I loved my name. In fact, I adored my name... until I came to the United States.

The moment my third grade teacher called out my legal name in class, I jumped out of my seat for I was embarrassed and disgusted by how my name sounded in English pronunciation. Unable to bear the embarrassment I asked my teacher to call me "Cindy". It was the only name my parents and I can think of. My mom picked it out because she was an avid fan of Cindy McCain. However, I knew that "Cindy" did not suit me at all. Ever since, third grade, I go with Cindy. And every time I start off a new year, I have to go up to my teacher and tell them, "I go with Cindy. NOT Yoonseo." And of course, they ask how it is pronounced. I tell them how it is pronounced, but all I hear is "Yonsei?".  Living in the U.S. made me despise my legal name, for it became a common joke among my friends and a burden I had to carry wherever I go. I used to love my name, but I don't know what happened, but I know for sure that "Cindy" will never be my name. It never felt right. In "The Namesake" Gogol feels as if he is a person of two characteristics. Like Gogol, I am at times Cindy and other times, Yoonseo. 

My Home VS My Home

After reading "The Namesake", I felt a very close connection with Gogol. When I was in the 3rd grade, I left my home country Korea for a new life in the United States with my family. The first two years were extremely hard to adjust for I was not fluent in English. 8 years have passed ever since I  moved. Sometimes, I cannot believe how much time has passed by. Now a days, I am so used to the environment of Irvine that I could count the number of houses that I have to pass by to go to the nearest market or to school. My parents who are full Korean, moved to the United States to provide me and my brother with the best environment to learn. I am always so thankful and glad that I am living in the United States. The life in Korea was so different from the life in the U.S. and the education system is excellent. However, a small part of me always calls for Korea. Last summer, my archery team and I went to Korea for a competition. When I went to Korea, it was nearly 5 years since I visited. Even though it looked different, I felt relaxed. An inner part of me triggered my memories as a Korean kindergartener. I was able to smell the greasy air of Seoul, the loud and the rowdy sound of the city buses. It may not have been the most pleasant environment but it was my home. I felt very melancholy and nostalgic as I felt the moment. 

Like Dr. Jekyll and Hyde, I feel as if I am completely different human beings at school and at home. At school, I am used to talking with my American friends, acting "American", eating with a fork, speaking out loud in class etc. But at home, as hard to believe, I transform myself into a completely different person. I help my mom make Korean food, speak and write in Korean, and follow the Korean etiquettes. I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of of embracing one's culture. Just because I am an immigrant doesn't mean I have to choose only one nation to be my home country. I am very pleased with where I am standing; right in the middle of my two nations I belong to.

My Contradictions

In the beginning of the book Notes From the Underground, my views of the Underground Man was very negative. I disliked the way he contradicted himself all the time and not being true to himself. Later on, I realized that his flaws resembled many of my flaws. I think sticking to our morals without being capricious is difficult. It's natural for people to change their minds, fickle in their opinion and actions. Thinking about the contradicting opinions and actions I have made throughout my life, I realized that I'm no better than the Underground Man in ways that I fail to stay faithful to my beliefs.

I recognize my contradictions daily. The best way to describe the contradiction can be explained through "gum giving". Whenever I bring gum to school, I don't want to give it to anyone so then, I end up lying that I don't have any or hide them in my backpack. But when one of my friends come to school with a pack of gum, I tend to ask, -- beg for a piece of gum. And when they say they ran out, I simply refute them and yap at them to stop lying. Everyday, I tell myself that I'm a big advocate of saving the environment. Interestingly, I go through a lot of bottled waters, wasted construction papers and unnecessary plastic items. I'm also a big supporter of saving the endangered animals. Then I realized how many animal fur related items I had. Knowing that I wasn't being true to my morals, I felt embarrassed and wrong, but at the same time, I found myself simply ignoring the rules that I set up for myself.

"Lets help the poor, but don't let them come near our neighborhood because they are dirty and disturbing"...

Whenever I sympathized with the African kids on the cover of a National Geographic, or the AID victims on TV, I thought that I was a very moral person. But what I realized was that I actually wasn't. All I did was think, nothing was put to action. If I was so worried about the dying kids in Africa, or the victims of AIDs, I would've donated all of my possessions and flew to Africa to help them. But I wasn't. Instead, I was sitting on my couch, watching movies and doing things as I pleased. Although I wanted to fix the problems in the world, I didn't want them interfering my happiness. Just like the quote above, people are very contradicting in ways that people say things the emotions they feel however they never do anything.

I think that is the dangers or the hypocrisy that society continues to live on.

Skid Row.. The Dangers of "The Single Story"

I chose to write about Skid Row for many reasons. One particularly because I was fascinated by the fact that people chose to live there instead of finding a new life. Many people look down on the impoverished lifestyles of the homeless who lives in Skid Row. Skid Row provides a home for many people. The things that people only understand, is that one "single story", how the civilians of Skid Row were all unsuccessful, crazy and uneducated. However, behind the curtains, there were much meaning behind the poverty of Skid Row. Also, learning that some people enjoyed living in Skid Row and rather not move to elsewhere shocked me. I realized that people around the world were all different, that they sought for different dreams and knew how to sacrifice other necessary possessions.

In the movie, it introduces eight characters and the documentary displays their lifestyle. It pained me to see the ill-treatment they received. As if the people considered them as not equal, they were discriminated and threatened to the point of fatal injuries and sometimes death. As a viewer of this documentary I realized that only judging by the exterior is very wrong. Just like this documentary, I learned to always try to read between the lines, question the different perspectives and understand the story in every level.

That "Single Story" About Africa

The first week of our second semester, we watched a TED talk by Adichie about understanding a story from an extremely narrowed point of view. As typical human beings, we automatically imbue the information that is only give to us.

By reading "Things Fall Apart", I'm starting to understand that there are so many things that people assume without knowing the whole story, including me. Ever since I was in elementary school, I thought of Africa as a poverty stricken country, full of misery, constant hunger and crime. The things I've heard about Africa were only depressing stories about children having no place to sleep, having nothing to eat or dying from severe sickness. "Things Fall Apart" showed me a whole new perspective of Africa. I never realized that Africa had so much culture and color. It was a cultural shock for me. Also, the fact that many parts of Africa was extremely wealthy and that it was occupied by Caucasians blew me away.

The social media's object is to address the problems in society. As people, it's easy for us to misunderstand that what is being portrayed in the media is the only story. Instead of having a narrow perspective, trying to understand every situation as a whole is very important to us. Even in our daily lives, looking at the situations in different levels will help us connect with more people and understand how to address the problem more easily.

TED Talks: Never, ever give up

The TEDtalk that I watched was Diana Nyad's "Never, ever give up". At the age of 64, Nyad was inspired to swim all the way from Cuba to Florida, a 100-mile swim that requires massive amount of courage, perseverance and determination. During her lecture, Nyad explains the dangers of the waters of the Gulf, venomous jellyfishes, sharks, and capricious ocean currents and strong winds. At the age 64, she had every excuse NOT to challenge herself. However, despite her physical impediments, she found the reasons to try her abilities. "Find a dream... believe... finding a way.." Those were her reasons to swim the ocean. Nyad realized that everyone will eventually follow the same path; death. She believed that doing that she was passionate about was her way to live to the fullest extent. Nyad described her experience of swimming in the pitch black water. While she was swimming, she sang to herself to temporarily forget about the discomfort. Vomiting, abrasion and hypothermia were only some of the obstacles she had to forget and overcome to achieve her aspiration. When she was nearly to her breaking point, she saw the gleaming white lights and noticed that she was fifteen hours away from Florida. With her last efforts, she swam until she reached the sure of Florida. Nyad explained that the first thing she said when she reached Florida was, "Never, ever give up." In the age of 64, Diana Nyad had accomplished something that no one would ever have the courage to do. Nyad's lecture inspired me to look at life at a different perspective. Even if there is failure, there is always success that follows. To always enjoy the journey towards my goal even if I don't achieve it. "You can chase your dreams, you're never too old." Those were Diana's motto. Diana Nyad said that she was at her prime of her life today, at the age of 64. I think Nyad's speech can relate to everyone that there is nothing that could stop you from doing what you want to do.

Soap Opera Trops

Our group decided to adapt the play into a soap opera. I feel like a lot of soap operas are situated in very classy and luxurious locations, like big mansions or a fancy building. Many of the characters have different personalities and they often represent a social class. Emotion plays a big part in soap operas, including emotional music and dramatic (facial) reactions. As a fan of Korean soap operas, I can say that there are a lot of unnecessary screaming, crying, yelling, slapping etc. etc.

I think adapting Hamlet into a soap opera is a good idea. Hamlet is a royal and in every royal family, there are political struggle involved. Like how Claudius killed his brother to take over the throne. The act we were assigned was Act 4 Scene 7, when Claudius and Laertes plots about methods to kill Hamlet, when suddenly Laertes hears about her sister's sudden death and breaks down. I think depicting this scene with a soap opera- feel is the best because Laertes goes through an emotional high and low during an extreme short period of time.

This is a really funny example of a soap opera, the man finds out that the woman's son is his son... (gasp)

And of course.. the power slap