Yoonseo...? It's Cindy

As I read "The Namesake", I feel Gogol's desire to change his name to Nikhil for I desperately want to change my name. My legal name is Yoon Seo. In Korean, it is spelled 윤서. "Yoon" means to shine brightly and "Seo" means peace and serenity. Like the Bengali tradition, my grandmother chose my name before I was conceived. My name was chosen with great thought and debate. When I lived in Korea, I was complimented by strangers because of my name. They all said it was so beautiful and unique. I loved my name. In fact, I adored my name... until I came to the United States.

The moment my third grade teacher called out my legal name in class, I jumped out of my seat for I was embarrassed and disgusted by how my name sounded in English pronunciation. Unable to bear the embarrassment I asked my teacher to call me "Cindy". It was the only name my parents and I can think of. My mom picked it out because she was an avid fan of Cindy McCain. However, I knew that "Cindy" did not suit me at all. Ever since, third grade, I go with Cindy. And every time I start off a new year, I have to go up to my teacher and tell them, "I go with Cindy. NOT Yoonseo." And of course, they ask how it is pronounced. I tell them how it is pronounced, but all I hear is "Yonsei?".  Living in the U.S. made me despise my legal name, for it became a common joke among my friends and a burden I had to carry wherever I go. I used to love my name, but I don't know what happened, but I know for sure that "Cindy" will never be my name. It never felt right. In "The Namesake" Gogol feels as if he is a person of two characteristics. Like Gogol, I am at times Cindy and other times, Yoonseo. 

My Home VS My Home

After reading "The Namesake", I felt a very close connection with Gogol. When I was in the 3rd grade, I left my home country Korea for a new life in the United States with my family. The first two years were extremely hard to adjust for I was not fluent in English. 8 years have passed ever since I  moved. Sometimes, I cannot believe how much time has passed by. Now a days, I am so used to the environment of Irvine that I could count the number of houses that I have to pass by to go to the nearest market or to school. My parents who are full Korean, moved to the United States to provide me and my brother with the best environment to learn. I am always so thankful and glad that I am living in the United States. The life in Korea was so different from the life in the U.S. and the education system is excellent. However, a small part of me always calls for Korea. Last summer, my archery team and I went to Korea for a competition. When I went to Korea, it was nearly 5 years since I visited. Even though it looked different, I felt relaxed. An inner part of me triggered my memories as a Korean kindergartener. I was able to smell the greasy air of Seoul, the loud and the rowdy sound of the city buses. It may not have been the most pleasant environment but it was my home. I felt very melancholy and nostalgic as I felt the moment. 

Like Dr. Jekyll and Hyde, I feel as if I am completely different human beings at school and at home. At school, I am used to talking with my American friends, acting "American", eating with a fork, speaking out loud in class etc. But at home, as hard to believe, I transform myself into a completely different person. I help my mom make Korean food, speak and write in Korean, and follow the Korean etiquettes. I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of of embracing one's culture. Just because I am an immigrant doesn't mean I have to choose only one nation to be my home country. I am very pleased with where I am standing; right in the middle of my two nations I belong to.